You and I both know it’s time for a Muppet ‘Wuthering Heights’

Many moons ago (1996), I was in the Brontë Parsonage Museum, and saw a display of media to do with Bronte adaptations. Up until this point, I had only ever seen one film version of Jane Eyre, and purposely kept away from any versions of Wuthering Heights, as it’s is right up there in my all time top ten, I feared none would be good enough. One poster was for a stage version that was running at the time, featuring Cliff Richard. For those of you who are non-British, or too young, cool, and indeed lucky enough to not know Cliff, this was the horrifying equivalent of discovering one of the Hanson brothers was going to Mmmbop their way about the Yorkshire moors. I was outraged, and imagined the ghost of Emily Brontë to be sawing through lighting rigs at the theatre so the show’s run would be ended by an ‘accident’. Cliff Richard is not an actor, and I suspect only his fans loved it, as no part of Richard could adequately relay the madness of digging up corpses and hanging pet dogs. And Heathcliff does not sing.


Having a clear out, I came across the Ralph Fiennes/Juliet Binoche film version, which my daughter had bought but I had never seen. Having nothing better to do, I decided it might be okay, after all, if Fiennes can be a good Voldemort, Heathcliff should be fine. And he was okay, I could cope with him, he was harsh and while not overly West Yorkshire accented, at least he wasn’t Binoche. Not only was she not Yorkshire, she wasn’t even English. Cathy was unforgivably French, and bizarrely, when she died and her daughter all grown up, she seemed to also be French, in spite of having lived secluded with Nelly and her father, without a French person in sight. Très suspicious, non?

I think that cloud looks just like a giraffe riding a bike, don't you?

‘Look, Cathy, I think that cloud looks just like a giraffe eating toasted cheese sandwich, don’t you?’

This has left such a bad taste in my mouth, I now feel, rather than avoid all Brontë adaptations, I should got the other way, and have ordered the Tom Hardy one. If he can be a good Bane/Mad Max, I’m hoping he’ll be a good Heathcliff.

Ultimately, I think it’s time for the Muppets to tackle Wuthering Heights. We know what an amazing job they did with A Christmas Carol, and there could be some human players, such as I’d like Sean Bean to be Mr Earnshaw, and Kit Harrington to be Heathcliff, and Miss Piggy to be Cathy. Miss Piggy and Jon Snow running across the moor hand in hand, what could be more perfect? I know Harrington is young, but anyone too gruff will not be a believable match for Miss Piggy. And Kermit would be a good Edgar Linton, Gonzo could be Nelly Dean, and Animal, old Joseph. So many possibilities!


Heathcliff, it’s me-Piggy, I’ve come home-o, so c-o-o-old, let me in-a-your window