I Hope Adam And Eve Had A Nailbrush

There are some parts of Paradise lost that are quite entertaining, mainly the bits involving the devil. Although, Samuel Johnson didn’t think so. He said “Paradise Lost is a book that, once put down, is very hard to pick up again.” Oooh, burn!

It seems Adam and Eve’s job is to be gardeners. How is Eden not a self-regulating eco system? How are they managing to ‘lop, prune, or prop, or bind’ without some quality galvanised tools? And I know they can’t feel pain, but they must spend all evening picking thistles, seeds, velcro-like leaves, twigs and brambles from each other. And their nails must have been filthy. Did they compost? What’s the deal!?

However, to most modern women (and men) the portrayal of women is not good, to put it mildly. When not dooming all of mankind for ever, Eve is clearly seen as Adam’s dumber, prettier, subordinate. From the beginning where she is knocked up quickly out of his rib, right up until just before the apple, where Adam comes up with quotes like –

Nothing lovelier can be found,

In woman, than to study household good,

and good works in her husband promote.

Someone needs to have a word with Milton, there. They didn’t have the word ‘house’ in Eden. Whether it be to contain something (they had no things to contain), the sort you live in, or the sort that means families or groups at school (Go Ravenclaw!), they didn’t exist. They lived in a bower. It should have been bowerhold.

However, even the devil thinks Eve is dumb, as after sneaking past the angels guarding Eden, (I blame privatisation, god going with the lowest bidding angle security firm) taking the shape of a snake, hopes to find Eve alone, and first, as of Adam he says ‘Whose higher intellect more I shun.’ Ouch.

And I don’t like that it’s the tree of knowledge they can’t eat from. Surely knowledge is a good thing? A tree of some kind of enjoyable vice would be a more apt lesson. Thou shalt not eat from the Tree of Crack Cocaine. The Tree of Toblerones and Pringles. That would make more sense.


Adam and Eve, post forbidden fruit. Not a good day.

Adam and Eve, post forbidden fruit. Shame, and the need to wear foliage has kicked in. Not a good day.