Byronic vs Bionic
It’s Byron’s birthday! He’s 227!
I’m quite fond of Byron, I used to live very near to his house at Newstead. I used to wander around the abbey a lot, looking at his ink well and glass cases of his writings. And now I live in Aberdeenshire, where his utterly bananas mother and her equally fruitcake family were from. It’s no wonder Bryon turned out as uninhibited and bizarrely-behaved as he did.
He was the father of Ada Lovelace, who worked with Charles Babbage on his Analytical machine, which is considered the founding event of computer science. So, in my mind, anyway, Byonic and Byronic are related, but in certain situations, one method of action is better than the other.
Serious illness strikes, your options are-
Bionic – Contact Omni Consumer Products and get them to do their disturbing Robocop thang.
Byronic – Allow doctors to bleed you, using contaminated equipment, and then die of sepsis.
A film is made of your life, what actor would you like to play you?
Bionic – Lee Majors, you get to be married to Charlie’s Angel Farrah Fawcett.
Byronic – Jonny Lee Miller – You have a go round with Angelina Jolie.
What pets would you like? This is largely dependent on how much you like poop scooping.
Bionic – K-9 from Doctor Who would be happy to live with you.
Byronic – George Byron loved animals and had a fox, four monkeys, a parrot, five cats, an eagle, a crow, a crocodile, a falcon, five peacocks, two guinea hens, an Egyptian crane, a badger, three geese, a heron, a honey badger, and a goat with a broken leg (apparently) Except for the horses, they all lived indoors at his homes in England, Switzerland, Italy and Greece. I hope he had some wellington boots handy.
What kind of sex life are you looking for?
Bionic – No genitals. Sorry.
Byronic – Be suspected of having it off with half of Europe, as well inappropriate goings on with cousins and a half sister.
What kind of legacy would you like?
Bionic – None. Although you could probably be recycled into smoothie maker.
Byronic – An eternal and iconic literary figure, as well as your name becomes the very the definition of a broody, moody, irrational, sexy hero.