What In God’s Name Is Up With The Gods?

Film and the snippets of legends in the public consciousness make the Greek gods out to be so, well damn god-like. Sitting about what looks like a health spa on a mountain in the sky, wise, white-beard stroking, musing on deep matters, and below, plasticine monsters do battle with people wearing sheets and sandals.

Nope. The Iliad ruins all of that.

They are a bunch of whiny, petty-minded, annoying children.

And more amazingly, people still worship them and sacrifice animals to them like there’s no tomorrow, rather than saying ‘Hey, these gods are two-faced liars who treat all this massive loss of life like a game, I say we stop giving them all our stuff!’

Look at Ares. He starts off promising to support the Achaeans, but then switches sides to the Trojans, then later gets charged by Aphrodite on board an Achaean chariot, causing an almighty collision, in which he gets injured. Instead of accepting he has been bested, he flies straight up to Zeus and says ‘Daaaaad, she hit me!’

To which Zeus then says ‘Well, you deserved it. Now, be nice to your sister.’

The gods twist and inflame the war, causing extra loss of lowly human life, Zeus’ wife Hera is particularly active, and in the end he has to say ‘Right, that’s it. No more war for anyone. All of you to your rooms, now. You only have yourselves to blame. Your mother won’t listen to me, I can’t stop her, but you lot, bed, now.’

At which point all the gods storm off and slam their bedroom doors, and yet people on earth continue to worship them.

Humans! Get better gods!